Why are you contemplating divorce? I want you to be completely honest with yourself. It is just you and me sitting here… no one else has to know. Was your spouse unfaithful? Were you unfaithful? Is someone hurting you physically? Are you in a rut? Are you simply falling out of love? I will be honest with you… I have zero tolerance for infidelity and abuse….zero! But that is just me and we are talking about you so let’s work through this.
If someone has been unfaithful to you I am very sorry. Being cheated on by the person whom you love most is completely unfair and unbelievably selfish on their part. You must decide if you are strong enough to leave or if you are willing to give them another chance. If you choose to stay you MUST forgive and more importantly FORGET. You can not fool yourself into thinking that you can have a healthy relationship if your mates’ infidelity is stuck in your head…even if it is way in the back of your head. His or her indiscretion has to be erased from your memory…period. You can not have a successful union if you continue to pout or make digs at your partner. You must have complete trust in your partner…as if the event never happened. If there is no trust…there is no relationship.
If you have been cheated on please remember that you are the victim. Do not let your partner turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty about their mistake. You did absolutely nothing wrong. They chose to stray and nothing that you did made their decision any easier. This is their flaw not yours. It is very difficult not to feel shattered if you have been cheated on. Think long and hard if you are willing to completely trust that person again and fully move on as if it never happened. It is a lot easier said than done. You are a very special person who was created to be treasured and please do not let anyone tell you otherwise!
If you are thinking of cheating on your spouse DO NOT DO IT! I know marriage is hard. I know that it is easy to feel unappreciated and to feel disappointed over and over again by your spouse. Maybe your husband is unaffectionate or your wife spends more time being a mother than a wife but those are not reasons to cheat. Those are reasons to communicate with your mate. Learning to communicate is both fun and rewarding and it will completely change your relationship.
Read more: 10 things that can devastate your marriage
When I say communicate I mean in every sense of the word. You need to converse with your spouse…’how was your day?’, ‘what sounds good for dinner?’, ‘guess what happened today?’, ‘have you talked to your friend john lately?… ask questions and genuinely have interest in your loved ones day. You also need to connect with your spouse…really connect. In order to do so you must be open and honest. If you are unhappy in the bedroom do not be too embarrassed to share that with your mate. Sex in marriage is important and exciting and fun IF you are enjoying it. Gently tell your mate what you like and do not like sexually. Be open to their comments as well. Agree to explore and discover each other all over again. People change. Likes and dislikes change. Do not expect someone to be a mind reader… show your partner what makes you happy. ASK them what they like. It is so awesome when the connection is made and the two of you are on the same page.
Make communication fun. Leave sexy notes on his or her steering wheel. Write something sweet and stick it on the bathroom mirror. The smallest love note can make your spouse feel amazing and alive. A little bit of thought and kindness can go a long way. If you have problems sharing your feelings with your mate verbally, write your feelings in a letter and give it to him or her. This is a perfect way to open the lines of communication. So many couples assume what their mate is thinking and so many couples are wrong. Do not try to read your mate, do not try to guess what they are thinking, do not presume that their actions are the same as their thoughts…TALK.
Are you in a rut? Get out of it! So many people put time and effort into affairs and indiscretions yet they never think to put the same amount of energy into their marriage. People stray because they think they have made a special connection with someone new who makes them feel important. Everything seems so exciting and fresh and euphoric with this new person. Please understand that you can feel the exact same way with your current mate. Think of ways that he or she can make you feel extraordinary and work on it together. Treat your mate with a new sense of kindness and respect and see the response you get in return. Set up a new course of action to improve your relationship together. You are a team…a winning team. Express yourself, undertake critiques and criticisms and make changes, take every day as an opportunity to be a better spouse.
Make your relationship fun. Do silly things. Talk about your fondest memories and your wildest dreams. Women may find this easier than men but you can do it… take small steps to make big changes. Send the kids to grandma’s house and enjoy a candlelit bath together. Play games. Do a blind Coke/Pepsi taste test. Laugh. Sit on the hood of your car right in the driveway and stare at the stars. Climb to the top of a mountain and make out. Give each other a five minute massage. Have naked movie night. Call a babysitter and go have a picnic in the park. Do something fun with the kids and have fun as a family again. Go ice skating. Hold hands.
Don’t you see that life is short? Life as you know it could be turned upside down tomorrow. You once loved your spouse so much that you walked down an aisle with them in front of friends and family and professed your love to them before God. You are a team. So many people want what you have. Please do not throw it all away because you lust after someone else or because you have simply grown apart. Take a chance on your own spouse. Fall in love again. Put time and effort into THIS relationship. Get out of that rut. Think of something fun right now that you could surprise your mate with TONIGHT. Write a love note and stick it in the pocket of the pants your mate will wear tomorrow…even if it just says, ‘let’s start over’ or ‘what is your wildest dream?’ I know that you will succeed at this. The fact that you are reading this tells me that you want your relationship to work. It can…it will!
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